Meditation – Do all things without disputing
by Isaac Overton
In the age in which we live, sin is an ever-present force in our lives. Because of this, and the fact that obedience to God requires it, handling conflict well is an essential pursuit for godly living. In Philippians 2:14, it’s very clear: “Do all things without… disputing.” In other words, a godly man should have zero tolerance for sinful arguing in his relationships. Period. He must be faithful to God and learn to become skilled in handling potential conflict situations so as to avoid disputes. But where to begin this pursuit?
We can’t reach our goal here unless we have a clear understanding of what conflict is. So what is a “dispute” exactly? Here’s my attempt at a definition: a dispute is an exchange between two (or more) people in which conflict arises because both people speak and act sinfully towards the other. The reason I say that it’s only a dispute when both are acting sinfully towards the other is because of Proverbs 15:18. In that verse we read: “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” In this verse we see very clearly that even when one person is speaking out of sinful motives, a godly man can still quell a dispute and quiet contention. A godly man can respond to the sin of the other person in such a way as to “quiet contention,” so, to begin with, let that be our goal.
But how do we actually do this? I think that the first step is advance preparation. Firstly, we ought to pray in advance for God’s help to respond well to others in conflict. We cannot hope to succeed in godly living unless we are disciplined prayer warriors, relying upon God in all that we do. Pray specifically and regularly that he will teach and enable you to respond well when something you do offends others. Pray in preparation for the event, and cultivate the instinct of praying in the midst of the event. Pray for God’s help to respond well when you offend and when you are offended.
Pray also for kindness of heart, that you may be kind in speech as well. Being in the habit of kind speech is very important when it comes to handling conflict well. In Proverbs 15:1 we read: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” The unique difficulty of speaking kindly in times of conflict is the fact that sinful emotions are going to rise up to challenge that commitment. Conflict situations or potential conflict situations are when our commitment to kind speech will be truly tested. We’ll need to be prepared to mortify sinful attitudes so that we can preserve kind speech.
Pray also for kindness of heart, that you may be kind in speech as well. Being in the habit of kind speech is very important when it comes to handling conflict well. In Proverbs 15:1 we read: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” The unique difficulty of speaking kindly in times of conflict is the fact that sinful emotions are going to rise up to challenge that commitment. Conflict situations or potential conflict situations are when our commitment to kind speech will be truly tested. We’ll need to be prepared to mortify sinful attitudes so that we can preserve kind speech.
In fact, this is an essential aspect of living in a godly way when it comes to conflict. In 1 Corinthians 10:32, for instance, we are instructed to “give no offence” to anyone. More specifically, Paul says that he aims to “please everyone” in everything he does, not seeking his “own advantage, but that of many.” What we’re talking about here is a default attitude of blessing others above one’s self.
If other people have a sense that you are seeking what is beneficial to them, and you are in fact doing things that benefit them – it will tend to quickly break down walls of contention that they may feel towards you. In any situation, then, let us be constantly asking ourselves how we might get an advantage for those around us. Kind words are words governed by love and concern for others. This is exactly the same thing but here this love is expressed through actions rather than words: getting an advantage for them in what you do.
If you are repeatedly having trouble with one particular person, selfreflection on this point will be helpful here. Reflect on what exactly it is that they are being offended by. If you can’t work it out, ask them. Once you know what it is, do all in your power to make a change, and move forward boldly in prayer and faith to achieve it. Again – let “getting an advantage” for that person be your guiding principle in the way you treat them.
There is obviously a lot more that could be said about seeking to avoid disputes. I hope and trust, however, that this short meditation will give us something to work on for now! God has broken down the barrier between himself and us, and has drawn us to himself by covenant through Christ. May we in our relationships with each other, seek to work out this love and peace together as we pursue these things in our relationships. SDG!