Meditation - How to Worship with Little People
by Toby Sumpter
8 Pointers for Kids in Church
In an extremely encouraging turn of events, families have begun worshipping together in large numbers. More and more churches are family-integrated, welcoming children to remain in worship, and explicitly encouraging their members to think of worship as not just for adults but for the whole family of God.
Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me,’ not, send them all off to children’s church and youth group so you can have some peace and quiet. Several generations of children’s church and youth group succeeded in giving us several generations of apostate kids and immaturity institutionalized. One generation’s children’s church became the next generation’s “grown up church,” which is why we have such infantile and irreverent worship accepted as ordinary and normal.
At the same time, welcoming little people into worship presents challenges. These little natives just arrived on this planet a few months or years ago, and what is this strange place you only take them to once every seven days? Sitting still? Sitting quietly? Why can’t they make noise or crawl around like usual? Why does everyone keep standing up and sitting down again? This is all very strange.
And of course sometimes the little tike completely loses it: a fit, a tantrum, their finger gets pinched, they swing their head back and crack it on the back of the pew, a sibling sins against them, and it’s right in the middle of the prayers, the sermon, a moment of silent confession, and now your kid is making everyone think about less holy things.
So how should we think and prepare for worshipping with little people?
First, remember that Psalm 8 says that the cries of nursing infants silence the enemies of God. How does that work? We don’t understand all the ways that works, but one of them is mentioned in Psalm 127: those same little saints are going to grow up and speak with our enemies in the gates. That shriek or cry is the sound of ammunition being manufactured on an assembly line. They are arrows in the hands of mighty men. And either we believe that and thank God for the sounds of children in the sanctuary, or we don’t believe and we turn off the assembly line designed to make us powerful.
Second, remember that our task is not merely to bear with the weakness and challenges of little people, our task is to teach them to worship with us. So give thought to what they can begin to do as soon as they are awake and looking around and trying to figure out what’s going on. In our church, parents teach the little ones to say “Amen” as soon as they are saying words. We raise our hands during the final doxology, and parents are busy teaching their toddlers to do the same. In traditional Reformed worship, there are regular parts of the liturgy like the Lord’s Prayer, the Apostles’ Creed, or short responses at various points in the service: as soon as kids can talk, they can be taught to participate in those parts. Since baptized children are part of God’s covenant people and covenant children were welcomed to the Old Covenant meals, we welcome our baptized children to the Lord’s Supper, teaching them to trust in Jesus as they do. It’s a great joy as a pastor to hear the echoes of childish voices saying “Amen” on a three-second delay out in the crowd after a prayer or hymn, or the excited looks when they see the minister break the bread. They know what is coming next. The goal is full participation.
Third, and this relates the last point, in order to work on participation, it requires practice during the week. You don't teach your kids how to play a sport by only taking them to games: there needs to be lots of practice. It really is a strange and challenging thing to do something that is completely out of the ordinary only once a week. So our job is to remember their frames, just like God remembers our frames (Ps. 103). And that means doing everything we can to prepare our children for the Lord’s Day. This can be done throughout the week both in family worship and other practice times. When my kids were little, my wife would literally have the kids sit in chairs lined up in the living room and have them practice sitting still and quietly for a few minutes while she read the Bible to them. Then maybe they would stand and sing the doxology or the Lord’s Prayer. Then they might sit down again for a few minutes. The idea isn’t to replicate a full worship service; the point is to run some of the common plays that will need to be run during worship. Are you practicing “sitting still” or “sitting quietly” or “quiet voice” or “stand up and sing?” Or is Sunday morning the only time that ever happens? Related, would be making sure kids get plenty of sleep Saturday night and a decent breakfast Sunday morning. Think of it like the day of the big game. Because it is.
Fourth, and speaking of remembering their frames, parents really should feel free to think about ways to make the church service more enjoyable and bearable to little bodies. This might mean the practice of some families of passing out breath mints at some point during the sermon or for using coloring pages or notebooks for drawing pictures or taking simple notes related to the sermon. Some dads take a strategic walk with a restless toddler to a water fountain to help get some wiggles out. While you don’t want to turn your row into a full-blown snack bar, a small Ziplock bag of cheerios or goldfish crackers or a sippy cup can buy parents of young children many minutes of concentration.
Fifth, of course there will be frequent need to correct and discipline in the early years. And this really shouldn’t be surprising. In the first few years, you’re disciplining and correcting a lot, and it should simply be expected and planned for at church. Family-friendly churches usually have designated areas for correction and discipline, and it’s a real delight to me to see faithful dads at church with some small implement often protruding out of their back pockets. Many of our churches conceal carry in more than one way.
Sixth, with all of the above as part of the ordinary work of faithful parents, let me add that we really are aiming for well-disciplined, orderly, and cheerful rows of worshippers, not a mosh pit or a small sample of Lord of the Flies. Sometimes family-friendly can start looking pretty family-feral. One way to lean against that tendency is by making a point to try to dress up for church, bathing the kids, and doing their hair as nicely as possible. But it really ought to be the goal of parents to be as undistracting and unobtrusive as possible. It really is a balancing act that requires wisdom, patience, and good humor, but if your child isn’t being quiet, you really should remove them from the service until they can be. Sometimes in the early years parents may catch only bits and pieces of the sermon. But do not grow weary in doing good. The Lord knows and loves how you are sacrificing for His little ones. If giving a little one a cup of cold water pleases Him, how much more so two or three trips to the water fountain to keep little Johnny from being too much of a distraction to the folks in the rows around you? By four or five years old, most kids should be able to sit through a worship service in an orderly way and participate in most of the service.
I will also add that one of the great traditions that has grown up in our churches is the practice of the dads taking the lead in helping with the kids and training them. This often works out to a number of dads standing in the back of church holding babies, bouncing toddlers, or just quietly walking them back and forth. Obviously there will be some things that only mothers can do, but part of giving Sabbath rest to moms means dads doing everything they can to assist and bear some of that burden.
Finally, a word to everyone who doesn’t have little kids in their row (or not anymore): look for opportunities to encourage and praise young moms and dads. It really can feel like a rodeo some weeks, and your cheerful glances and words of praise can go a long way to reassure faithful parents in the trenches. Depending on the circumstances, you might even be able to assist on occasion where a young family might need an extra hand. In our churches, when a young child is baptized, the whole congregation takes a vow promising to assist parents in raising the child in the Lord. Cheering young families on, encouraging them, and offering an occasional helping hand are various ways you can fulfill that vow and make church even more welcoming for little ones — and keep the ammunition factory running smoothly.
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Pastor Toby J. Sumpter
Courtesy of CrossPolitic Studios: https://crosspolitic.substack.com/p/how-to-worship-with-little-people